About Selene

I suppose it makes sense to start this at the very beginning.

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I was born a legal alien in Germany to an English self-proclaimed protestant mother (I say self-proclaimed because she didn't practice and only went to church with the rest of us on certain events, like Mother's Day and Christmas) and a Northern Irish Catholic Dad. Three months later we would move to Ireland, where my brother Hermit and sister Princess would be born. From there. we moved to France in 1995 and moved to South East England in 1997.

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I was the only one of three children to not be diagnosed young with a special educational need and was pressured to succeed because I was "bright". When my results were mixed, my mother would focus more on scolding me for my failures than praise me for my successes. My self esteem tanked very young and was mixed with my earliest memories feeling like amnesia, not knowing who I was, on top of feeling like my body didn't belong to me.

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Looking back, I compare my childhood to food styling. The image people on the outside see looks good, maybe even great, but the thing being photographed is at best gross and at worst completely inedible.

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In 2010, I started dating Apollo, we moved into a flat together in 2014 and got married in 2020 just before the first lockdown due to the pandemic. Apollo has been a beacon in my mental health and a voice of clarity in the darkness.

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It was at the age of 30 that I first heard the word depersonalisation. It happened when I was seeking therapy after going no contact with my mother and siblings. I was in a tailspin of depression and anxiety from the feeling of failing as a person because I was choosing to protect myself and my happiness over the only constant I had in my life. That same therapist advised me to seek therapy for my anxiety and my depression for the time as my scores were pretty bad for it.

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This year I have been focusing specifically on my dissociation, known as depersonalisation-derealisation (DPDR) in 2021, starting with mindfulness. I also opened up to extended family partially via Facebook very recently, which may be a topic of discussion.